you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
