Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
