take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
