it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
