Soap is not a condiment
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
