Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
