he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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