I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
