end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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