Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
