I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
