Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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