I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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