Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
