She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
