I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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