"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
