Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
