Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
