I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
