Pappa wants mamma naked
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
