I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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