Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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