dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
