i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
