She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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