If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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