Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As shirtless as possible
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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