Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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