I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
