Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
