No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
