i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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