Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
