well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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