only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
