Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
