I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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