I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
