Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
