can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
