Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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