I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
