We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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