How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
