just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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