I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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