shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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