Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
