My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
