i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
