I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize